Tonight I did something I have never done before...I didn't go to the synagogue. But I was able to still "be" at services. Over a year ago Temple Judea began live streaming all of our worship services. I wanted to be in the congregation, but tonight I couldn't. I was emotionally raw from an intense ten day period of reflection on all that was in the last year. I wanted time to be alone. To just be.
So I attended services through our website...and it was amazing.
1) The music - since I was by myself I turned my speakers as high as they could go. I closed my eyes. I felt the music. I wasn't worried about what anyone else thought. I was able to just experience this amazing sound. I allowed tears to form and didn't care. I cheered when an all-time favorite tune was played. I appreciated the musical gifts that were brought to this service in a way I never had before.
2) The sermon - again, I was by myself. The only person on the screen was the rabbi. I was able to feel like he was addressing me personally, not the entire congregation. I felt that a message was being given directly to me. And so I listened closer. And I listened deeper.
3) The temperature - it may seem silly, but I know how many comments our executive director receives about the sanctuary being too hot or too cold. During the service I did get cold. I got up and got a blanket. Problem solved!
Of course, it wasn't the same as being there. I couldn't share my erudite observations with a neighbor (though I thought about a twitter feed for next year). I didn't have anyone to hug and wish "shanah tovah" a happy new year. I experienced Kol Nidrei personally and with my spiritual leaders, but not with my community.
So did it replace the experience I would have had at synagogue? - definitely not! Was it a profoundly spiritual evening? - Absolutely!!
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