A "Virtual" Kol Nidrei

The observance of Yom Kippur began today at sundown. This day is referred to as the Shabbat of all Shabbats - it is the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. Perhaps the most identifiable soundtrack of this day is Kol Nidrei - a solemn prayer annulling vows that we have made and will make. It reminds us of the many times we missed the mark. And the many times we will miss the mark again.

Tonight I did something I have never done before...I didn't go to the synagogue. But I was able to still "be" at services. Over a year ago Temple Judea began live streaming all of our worship services. I wanted to be in the congregation, but tonight I couldn't. I was emotionally raw from an intense ten day period of reflection on all that was in the last year. I wanted time to be alone. To just be.

So I attended services through our website...and it was amazing.

1) The music - since I was by myself I turned my speakers as high as they could go. I closed my eyes. I felt the music. I wasn't worried about what anyone else thought. I was able to just experience this amazing sound. I allowed tears to form and didn't care. I cheered when an all-time favorite tune was played. I appreciated the musical gifts that were brought to this service in a way I never had before.

2) The sermon - again, I was by myself. The only person on the screen was the rabbi. I was able to feel like he was addressing me personally, not the entire congregation. I felt that a message was being given directly to me. And so I listened closer. And I listened deeper.

3) The temperature - it may seem silly, but I know how many comments our executive director receives about the sanctuary being too hot or too cold. During the service I did get cold. I got up and got a blanket. Problem solved!

Of course, it wasn't the same as being there. I couldn't share my erudite observations with a neighbor (though I thought about a twitter feed for next year). I didn't have anyone to hug and wish "shanah tovah" a happy new year. I experienced Kol Nidrei personally and with my spiritual leaders, but not with my community.

So did it replace the experience I would have had at synagogue? - definitely not! Was it a profoundly spiritual evening? - Absolutely!!

#BlogElul 28 Responsibility to me...

The collective feeling is that this past week was like one REALLY long day! It was all about finishing things, or preparing things, or taking care of everything that needed to be done before Rosh Hashanah.

It's really important to me that I take responsibility for anything I have told others I would do. Which is why on Thursday, two "work days" before Rosh Hashanah, I spent the day organizing the Judaica museum...which I had assured our executive director I would do by the holidays.

It was SO important to me to get this done that I put everything else on the back burner for the day.

Interestingly, I don't feel the same obligation to myself. I make promises. I make plans. And I let myself down. In the year ahead I hope to take greater responsibility to turn my intentions in to actions and make sure my actions represent my intentions!

Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil #BlogElul 27

Good & Evil

opposites

like

Black & White

Life & Death

The language of the High Holy Days is full of such opposites that seem to present two choices, of which one is right.

We want to be written in the Book of Life...

We want to choose life that we may live...

But a lot of this period is about appreciating the grey. 

We make mistakes. We learn. We repent. We return.

We all do good - we all do evil.

In the year ahead, may the good in us - and in the world - far outweigh the evil!

Readiness - Am I Ready? #BlogElul 26

The URJ Biennial is an event every two years that brings together members of Reform Judaism from all over the world. I LOVE attending these events for two reasons. One is the people - having grown up in the Reform Movement, these gatherings are a "this is your life" event where I can connect with friends, colleagues, and teachers from childhood to today.

The second reason is the music - I love singing with hundreds of others. I love hearing songs that I grew up singing at camp. And I love hearing the new music from up-and-coming artists. This year, one of those artists was Noah Aronson. I was moved by his song "Am I Awake" that leads in to the Barechu. I believe the lyrics to "Am I Awake" speak to the readiness which we need to bring to the High Holy Days:

Am I awake? Am I prepared?
Are you listening? To my prayer?
Can you hear my voice? Can you understand?
Am I awake? Am I prepared

You can purchase "Am I Awake" on iTunes!

Jonah makes a little more sense #BlogElul 25

Since I began working at Temple Judea I have had the honor of reading the story of Jonah on Yom Kippur afternoon. It's a weird book.

After all, the "hero" of the book is a whiny prophet who disapproves of the fact that God is forgiving of those who truly repent. It's hard to hear that as an "inspirational" message as the day is growing long and the gates are closing...

Temple Judea has had the pleasure of having Scott Fried with us as we prepare for the High Holy Days. In a recent talk on bullying - he made a very important point. Often, the person who is the "perpetrator" of bullying is doing it because they see something in their target that they dislike in themselves.

This idea has given me new compassion for Jonah - after all, it isn't easy to forgive others who have wronged us. Perhaps Jonah was mad at God, because he wished that he could forgive in the same way that God could.

The gift is that we can all be God-like by doing the hard task of letting go of hurts and pains, whether they were caused intentionally or not. May we all let go - and not carry those pains in to a new year!

#BlogElul 24 Giving

BROKEN   DREAMS

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my Friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can You be so slow?""My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."

Giving is about presenting to another and it is about letting go - creating space for another, and perhaps creating space for God.

Seeing & Awakening - #BlogElul 22 & 23

I can tell we are closing in on the Yamim Noraim - the High Holy Days. There are many signs, but the one that works for me is the personal changes I can observe in my schedule. The to-do lists are getting a little longer...the days seem a bit fuller...and I definitely arrive home just a little (or a lot) more tired.

(That is all the "justification" for why I am combining these two blog posts!)

Every year our congregation tackles a learning theme. In some cases this is intellectual and in some cases experiential. Depending on the topic, we use it to inform the educational opportunities offered for all ages. This year our theme is Mindfulness.

This weekend we held workshops for parents of preschool children, parents of teens, and our religious school and preschool faculties. We learned about the neurological benefits of Mindfulness and strategies to bring this practice to our families and our classrooms. (Thank you to Kristen Race from Mindful Life for leading these sessions)

At it's core, mindfulness is about awakening. It is about being in the present - not the past or the future. It is about tuning in to the sights, sounds, smells, rhythms, patterns that surround us.

I hope that this time - the days leading up to and including the High Holy Days - can be a period of awakening for all of us. Stop and tune in. What sights surround you? Practice being in the moment. May it be a period of awakening for all of us!

Hearing...Silence #BlogElul 21

I am getting ready for Slichot at Temple Judea tonight. It is a service that I love, and I find uncomfortable. It is a reflective service - with music, meaningful and provocative readings, and beautiful imagery as we change the covers of our Torah scrolls to reflect the arrival of the High Holy Day season.

And we leave the service in silence.

This is very atypical (especially for me)!

And the silence is deafening. You look to people expecting sound and hear none. Your own voice becomes louder and louder in your head. You hear your breathing. And time seems to stand still.

It is an awe-some experience as befits the Days of Awe.

Listening to silence is a gift - may we all be able to hear it more!

As the sun goes down #BlogElul 20

I have enjoyed the #BlogElul themes (for the most part) and how they have helped me think about the month of Elul and the upcoming High Holy Days. It's interesting that Endings is the theme that comes after Beginnings. At this time of the year, I think that endings come before beginnings.

We are saying goodbye to a week (shabbat shalom),
We are saying goodbye to a month (elul),
We are saying goodbye to a year (5772)
We are saying goodbye to a season (summer)

While it is hard to say goodbye to things and to people - one of the comforts is that saying goodbye allows us to welcome new times and new experiences. It reminds me of the Garden of Eden. While living in an idyllic place with eternal life does have its appeals - there is a significant sacrifice if eternal life means no new births.

So these endings allow us to have new beginnings - and we move from strength to strength.

How to Meditate

I received this from my acupuncturist, Vivian Shou-Litman - thought it was a great simple explanation!

Increase Your Focus with Meditation

The word "meditation" comes from a Greek word that means "to be mindful." The practice of meditation can help you tame your mind and overcome anxieties, agitation, and habitual thought patterns. The regular practice of meditation creates a continuing sense of well-being, leaving us feeling confident and calm.

How to Meditate

Create a quiet, relaxing environment, with comforting items (candles, incense, art that has a spiritual importance to you, etc.) around you.

Sit upright on a cushion with your legs folded, or in a chair with your feet firmly planted on the ground, allowing for easy breathing. Relax your shoulders and gently place your hands on your knees or in your lap.

Tuck your chin in slightly and keep your eyes half open, your gaze softly focusing downward about four to six feet in front, and your mouth slightly open.

Observe your breath. Try belly-breathing, not breathing with the chest, but from the navel. Don't accentuate or alter the way you are breathing, just let your attention rest on the flow of your breath.

The goal is to allow the "chattering" in your mind to gradually fade away. If you are distracted by a thought, gently bring your mind back to your breathing.

Continue to focus on your breathing for 10 or 15 minutes. Stay relaxed, yet awake and attentive. Finding a balance there is not easy!

Eventually, as your body understands what you are doing, meditation will become easier. Remember to be gentle and patient with yourself. Meditating for even 5 or 10 minutes can have a powerful effect on your day.

Beginnings #BlogElul 19

Yesterday we had a faculty meeting for the religious school faculty. One of my teachers prepared this treat to celebrate the beginning of our school year and of our Jewish new year.

Inside each of the "pieces" of the round challah was a foil wrapped blessing for the new year. The faculty had written these blessings - but without knowing the goal. This is a family tradition for this teacher - a blend of Sefardic and Ashkenazic ritual. The challah was delicious! And yes, the honey pot is an apple.

The blessing that I received, was ironically one that I had written - May you be happy with all that you have!

#BlogElul 18 "Who Do I Love"

I do a lot better with intellectual concepts than I do with emotions. That may have something to do with why I am now several days behind in my blogging. 

This is a time in the Jewish calendar when we are taking inventory of who we are - and a large part of who I am, is who I love. By no means is this an exhaustive list, but here is a start:

• My mother - this has been a hell of a year for us, and it has been such a long road from my teenage years where we couldn't talk, but could only yell, and I wouldn't trade any of it
• My father - the challenges of this past year have brought us closer and allowed us to talk openly about emotions and feelings and other mushy non-intellectual stuff
• My brother - as he has grown into "an adult" (whatever that means) we are redefining our relationship and I have so much respect for who he is, his integrity, and his commitment to his wife and his family
• The people I work with - I am so lucky because I love my job and I love who I work with. They challenge me, and support me, they accept me and they inspire me
• The students who brighten my days - the hugs, the smiles, the questions, the challenges

And of course...

• My partner in life - who loves me unconditionally through the easy stuff and the hard stuff, the silly and the serious, and the just plain ludicrous, who makes me smile - no matter how long it takes, and who allows me to be the best me that I can!

Inspiration from a Collection of Sources #BlogElul 17

I don't know if this happened at every summer camp, but when I went to camp, all the girls had "Quote Book" (even the counselors). These books were journals, the size of a diary, but they weren't private. They were definitely personal. I used my Quote Book to record poems that I liked (often from services or from other people's books). I recorded poems that I wrote and poems my friends wrote. There are funny things people said. In some cases there are profound things that people said.

As an aside, I clearly grew up before social media. I imagine now this would be a virtual book full of tweets and bookmarked pages...does this mean that campers today don't have quote books?

Anyway, going back to my, ultimately three, quote books. As a teenager, I used these for inspiration. Sometimes it was finding a poem for a particular situation. Sometimes it was finding a quote that captured my emotion of the moment.

I find looking back, that I still get inspiration from these books. I copied several poems about puzzle pieces to use at services at Camp Coleman this summer. I could still connect with the emotions. And I think others could as well.

So from Book 1, here is some inspiration for the day:

Live each day to the fullest.
Get the most from each hour, each day
Each age of your life.
Then you can look forward with confidence
And back without regrets.
Be yourself - but be your best self
Dare to be different and to follow your star.
And don't be afraid to be happy.
Enjoy what is beautiful.
Love with all your heart and soul.
Believe that those you love, love you.
Forget what you have done for them.
Disregard what the world owes you,
And concentrate on what you owe the world.
When you are faced with a decision,
Make the decision as wisely as possible -
Then forget it
The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.

According to my 7th grade handwriting, the author is unknown!

#BlogElul 16 - Wondering about Wonder

Nothing came to mind when I looked at today's topic...Wonder. So I did what I always do when I am stuck. I turned to google. Dictionary.com was only somewhat useful. So I refined my search to "wonder" and "quotes." Now we were getting somewhere...

"Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.” ― Socrates

This was a good place to start. I tend to go "intellectual" first. I liked this connection that wisdom is fueled by curiosity...and finding questions that one can't answer. At least that's what I think of when I think of wonder.

“The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Interesting...so not only did wonder mark the beginning of wisdom, but the ability see wonder within the common, to recognize how miraculous things could be, that was a sign of wisdom. Note to self...need to be present in the world in order to see the miraculous in the common!

"He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed."
-Albert Einstein

Hmmm...so according to Einstein, it isn't just that wonder is a mark of wisdom, it's more than that. If you can't experience wonder in the everyday, if you can't stand in awe, you aren't really living. Note to self...remember to schedule time to be present. Seriously, this is important!

From wonder into wonder existence opens.  -Lao Tzu

Wonder is important because it leads to wisdom. The act of wonder shows wisdom. Awe and wonder are signs that you are living in the moment. And the wonder that is experienced leads to more wonder. 

Here is to finding wonder...and then more wonder...and even more wonder...in the world around us.

"Who formed the human body with skill" #BlogElul 15

One of my favorite blessings is part of the morning service - and I don't say it enough.

Praise to You, Adonai
our God, Sovereign of the universe,
who formed the human body with skill
creating the body's many pathways and openings.
It is well known before Your throne of glory
that if one of them be wrongly opened or closed,
it would be impossible to endure and stand before You.
Blessed are You, Adonai, who heals all flesh, working wondrously.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, רוֹפֵא כָל בָּשָׂר, וּמַפְלִיא לַעֲשׂוֹת

Baruch atah, Adonai, rofei chol basar umafli laasot.

I believe this prayer says it best. How often do we take for granted the regular "healthy" functioning of our bodies?